Premarital at The Crossing: Requirements
Because of the high priority we place on families and the gift of marriage, the Elders and Board of Directors at The Crossing have
established several criteria we ask couples to meet.
The Bible clearly teaches that the institution of marriage was a gift to us from the very mind of God (Genesis 2:24) and
was intended to last a lifetime (Matthew 19:6). Unfortunately, the marriage that prevails and thrives is no longer the norm
in our society today.
Please read each requirement carefully and know that these are in place to help you establish a strong and solid relationship
. Our goal is to help prepare you both for a life-long marriage that will honor God and each other.
Regular attendance at The Crossing
Regular attendance for at least six months before the wedding date is required. We value
community and authentic relationships and believe that both can have a positive impact on couples that are engaged and/or
married. Regular attendance at weekend services helps Christ-followers grow spiritually and answers questions for spiritual
seekers or skeptics. Your regular attendance will help us know you and you us.
Pastoral interview before the first meeting
This initial step allows for an open and frank discussion about the process of premarital counseling. It also provides an
opportunity for private discussion of these criteria and clarifies the next step in the process.
Actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus as Forgiver and Leader
Because we feel so strongly about the sanctity of the marriage relationship
and because we want your marriage to last a lifetime, we believe you must be actively pursuing this personal relationship with
Jesus. We realize that all couples will be at different points along their spiritual journey and we will discuss openly where
you and your fiance’ are on your journey.
Romans 10:9-10, John 14:6, John 3:16, Romans 5:8, John 1:12
Mandatory attendance at all Mentor and Class Sessions
The Premarital Sessions with Mentor Couples and Classes will delve into the foundations and principles of an intimate,
God-honoring marriage. We require these sessions be completed at least 6 weeks prior to the scheduled wedding date. By the
conclusion of the 3rd session, the premarital class facilitators will privately notify each couple of any concerns they may
have regarding the health of their relationship. The facilitators speak truth in love and challenge each couple to work on
potential problem areas. If there are serious concerns, the marrying pastor will be notified and may step in to discuss these
with the couple. In some cases a pastor could choose not to perform the wedding.
Remember, being accepted into the Premarital Process is not a guarantee that a Crossing pastor will perform the wedding
ceremony. For this reason, wedding invitations should not be mailed before the completion of the Premarital Sessions.
The Premarital Process is in no way to be construed as an on-going counseling relationship. It is not therapy, though if certain
issues or conflicts arise, Christian counseling may be recommended.
Abstinence and no co-habitation during your engagement
If this has not been your way of living, we ask that you practice abstinence through the entire duration of premarital
counseling until your wedding date. Sexual purity honors God and your fiancé. One of the many reasons to abstain is that God
asks us to. (Eph. 5:3; 1 Thes.4: 3; 1 Cor.7; Heb. 13:4; 1 Cor. 6:12-20; 1 Cor. 13:5) Statistically, sexual activity prior to
marriage decreases your chances of a successful marriage. We also require the engaged couple to live in separate residence for
the duration of your engagement. If you are living together upon filling out the paperwork, you will have 6 weeks or until the
Premarital Sessions start to make other arrangements. We feel this is the most practical way for you to apply abstinence prior
to the wedding ceremony. We would be happy to explore options with you.
If divorced, at least one year from the time of the finalized divorce
We understand the pain divorce can cause. We
also know that the Father is a God of redemption, healing, and grace. So, before you consider remarriage again, we ask that at
least one year has passed since the time of your finalized divorce. This will give you time to personally recover, process your
loss and pain, and explore God’s wisdom and direction for your life. We will also discuss the biblical stance on divorce during
your premarital interview. Listed below are some scriptures to consider before meeting with a pastor.
Romans 7:2, 1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Matthew 19:3-9, 1 Corinthians 7:15, Romans 7:3
We are more than happy to help clarify any of these scriptures.
A Willingness to Enter Into a Mentor Couple Relationship
As mentioned earlier, because of the value we place on marriage, we believe this step can be an enormous resource to you.
We also believe that accountability is necessary if we want to grow as individuals, couples, and Christ-followers. Your mentor
couple will be prayerfully selected just for you and based on your particular needs and circumstances. This experience can be
the highlight of your pre-marital counseling sessions and if agreed upon can even extend beyond that period of time.
Six weeks between the last group session and your wedding date (if you are requesting a Crossing pastor to officiate the wedding)
If you have questions regarding these requirements, please feel free to discuss your concerns or questions at your preliminary meeting.